Don't get me wrong with my husband being medically discharged he was able to see his first born, be there when she got deathly sick, witnessed her 1st birthday, etc. I would never wish for him not to be there for those memorable moments. He wouldn't either. But he left his men when they needed him and there was nothing to say but I am sorry. I will never forget the day he came home after he sent his platoon on the plane to go to a war zone and he was unable to follow. Nor will I ever forget the time he had to fly to Philadelphia to represent his Birgrade for a soldier who didn't mind dying for his country. He wanted to be in that war zone more than anyone could every imagine. He felt like less than a man and there was nothing I could do but comfort him. The roles reversed and I had to be the strong one. I had to tell him like he had told me so many times before that everything was going to be O.K.
We loved the Army life. We loved having our friends as family. Walking into a house without knocking was like walking into a house I called home. We met so many wonderful and exciting people that we will carry with us till the day we die. But I won't lie it still hurts. It hurts seeing people moving over seas or hearing about all the achievements and adventures their going through that we should be doing. I am so happy for them, I want the best for each one of our friends(family). It is just human to be jealous of what we wish we could have but know we will never be able to get it back.
Don't let me fool you, we have made a wonderful life together outside the Army life. It took awhile especially to adjust(let me tell you that having to pay a house payment out of our own pocket stinks!). Ryan works for the Railroad and loves his job. It is ran so much like the Army that they call all the management-Officers. With this job we move every two years. Which we actually love and look forward to. I am Finally getting to do what I want to do. I have 7 classes left to officially be a Registered Nurse. I love working at the hospital but I do not like working nights. But you do what you have to do when you have child.
All in all we have a fortunate life. But our past is who makes us who we are and we can Never forget the Army. Looking back we would still do anything to stay in. I could be talking about us moving and me doing everything on my own while he gets ready to redeploy but that isn't our life anymore. Our life is in the hands of the Railroad-God has lead us here and he knows where the tracks will take us from here.....